Wednesday, July 11, 2012

I Don't Love You Anymore

Two months ago, I noticed his coldness towards me. Me being used to being pampered and cared for was bothered. Until one day I asked him.. Do you still love me?

"No, I don't love you anymore and I am considering separation" 

I felt like a pale of cold freezing water was poured into my whole being. I cried so hard and got hysterical because I didn't understand where did it come from. I didn't understand why it has to be that way. Just a week ago we were very okay. We were the usual us, I love You text messages, him bringing me stuff from work...and suddenly? It just didn't make sense. I asked why. He cried and said he is scared he might not be able to provide for us anymore and separating with me came to his mind so he won't have to think of me anymore. I wanted to shout at him, I wanted to slap him but I just broke down. I can't believe I am experiencing such agonizing pain! I wished it was just a bad dream....but as I banged my head on the wall, I felt the pain...I was in a reality. He tried to console me but the pain is just so excruciating....very excruciating that I wanted to disappear right there and then...

I know that from that moment, nothing will ever be the same again....That day started my painful journey, self rediscovery and newfound love  in attempting to restore my relationship with my husband.

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

I Was Loved

My heart has been in perfect shape for the past eleven years when I got married. I thanked God everyday for giving me the best man to be my partner in life. I often smile when I look at him in his sleep, thinking how lucky I am to be with this man who loves me for who I am. He showers me with much affection, whispers "I Love You" everyday, even in the middle of our sleep. He loves pampering me with gifts and giving in to  my demands (no, not the bad ones). I can pull him off from work and he would gladly be with me. He inspires me to be better in my career. He encourages me and boosts my morale whenever I think I cannot do it. I would like to believe that we have learned from each other in some ways. Saying sorry whenever we offended one another is not an issue. I remember he told me that he never knew how to say I'm sorry until we got married. We dreamed of us to be together until we are old and even talked about  dying together in bed at old age holding hands (that secured me that I am with a man who will love me till the end). Everyone admired us, and wanted to be just like us. Our kids are growing up to be wonderful, respectful and loving and I attribute that to us showing them exactly how to love. We were just that, happy and inlove. I have had eleven years of pure marriage bliss until...... 

Hello Hearts and Hurts

Dear My Heart,

Finally we get a space to just be us and express all the pains, struggles and triumph. I am so sorry my dear heart for putting you in this tormenting pain. We both cannot explain it but we know we are not in great shape. One day my dear heart, you will be whole again. I promise to take care of you as we take the painful road together until we are broken no more.